Thoughts on being wild

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my purpose behind the journeys I undertake, in order to spend time creating images with the wild horses. As much as I love the photographs that result, with each trip it becomes more apparent that the pictures are just an added bonus. They are a way for me to remember the feelings in that moment, the appreciation that arose from quietly being in the same space with the horses. I share these not just because I want people to be aware of their presence in our landscape, but because I believe there is a unique kind of communion between wild horse and human; one that brings us back to a deep-seated knowledge that gets lost in the busy hum of our daily lives.

To me, horses are much more than just a tool or a means to an end; they are companions and fellow travelers on this soul-filled journey we call life. When we visit these wild herds with intention, and are open to being led deeper into ourselves, the messages they carry can be powerful. My hope is perhaps one day, looking at these photographs will lead someone to recognize that these animals exist as a place where we can revisit our relationship with the land, and reflect on how we are living with it; a way we can celebrate the intrinsic value of our mutual existence.

Dreams

When we sleep, we allow ourselves to be open to the suggestions of our subconcious. That inner guide which can provide us with insight into the deeper recesses of our own soul.

Today, I read the words 'lean into what you are good at.' I wanted to add: lean into what makes your heart sing. I have been taking photographs of horses since I was a little girl, and it never ceases to be the place where I feel most at home. After studying photography in school, and a time of thinking I might make a career as a hired photographer, I always find myself going back to simply exploring; sitting alone under the setting sun and the stars, and playing with the energy of what happens when you let light in. Noticing how nature interacts with us, and attempting to recreate it in camera. For me, there is no such thing as a perfect photograph; there is only the emotion we remember when it was taken. This practice is one way I express that inner self.

What makes your soul happy? What are you leaning into as the full Cold Moon approaches at the end of this year?

Perceptions

I spent an entire afternoon with this small band. By the time I left, the sun was going down, and the bugs were starting to swarm, despite the cool autumn air. The entire time, I was constantly struck by the gentle grace the stallion had, his intimate interactions with his son, the way the lead mare held all of them in her space. It was all so congruent, so effortless. They seemed familiar to me, as well.

It is only now that I'm home and able to more closely examine these images that I realize I had taken photos of this stallion and lead mare two years earlier, almost to the day. Back then, there was no foal in the group; in fact, they were living in a band with other stallions. This all really speaks to the fascinating dynamics that are involved in equine communication. There are so many assumptions that we are told about horse behaviour that arise from domesticated horses living in less than ideal conditions, when in reality, their relationships are as intricate and emotionally detailed as our own.

Imminent

I've been playing around with composite image making, layering and altering photographs from my trips to visit the wild horses. I find the process helps me make sense of the many layers of meaning found in the juxtaposition of wild animal, nature, and the effects of industry.

This composition is inspired by the wildfire evacuations that have been so frequent this spring. The image of the refinery was taken on May 30, 2019; the day an air quality advisory turned our sky a thick yellow-orange from smoke. I've titled it 'Imminent.'

A winter feast

I rarely seem to come home with pictures of our wild horses running, or fighting, looking fierce, or out of breath. Mostly, my photographs are of scenes like this one: a small family engaged in their daily routines. They may be playing, or napping, but usually eating. It tells me that they are more like us than we often think about. They wake, and the rumble in their bellies serves to tell them what to search out first, then when they feel content, they enjoy each other's presence, soak up the sun.

In fact, the horses spend the majority of their time searching for sustenance. Their hooves are quite well designed  to clear away snow, in order to reveal the grass lying dormant underneath. There are some who argue that they compete with other animals in the area, such as deer, elk, and moose; when in fact, the horses expend their energy creating open spaces full of exposed grass, that is then available to animals whose cloven hooves are not nearly as suited to digging for this treasure. The relationship is symbiotic.

Horses are a species unto themselves. Their mere existence compels a human desire for 'management,' as that has been the driving story between us and them. Yet, their presence in the wild inspires this yearning to see them free, that has always underwritten our story. We know they are meant to be this way, we feel their wild blood coursing through their veins when we sit astride their backs. Deep down, if we choose to, we recognize how thin the rope really is, how much they accommodate, how much learned helplessness we impose on them.

Currently, the question of managing the free-roaming horses here has come to light in the media again, as the five-year moratorium on their capture comes to an end, along with a trial of contraceptive experimentation. Advocacy groups have vastly differing opinions on what should be happening next, and personalities butting heads means important energy is wasted. The biggest threat to their existence is the giant cattle lobby, as ranchers here use the public lands the horses exist on for grazing, and pay a pittance. They, of course, insist the horses are a threat to food supplies; meaning, the free food supply for thousands of cattle. From this they conclude that round-up and slaughter is the best solution.

It has been well-documented that wild horses in fact play an important role in the ecology of wilderness landscapes, particularly those that are heavily treed, such as ours. One of the positive impacts is natural wildfire protection, something which should be at the forefront of the interests of this government, given the very real threat climate change has brought to our forest fire season. Unlike cattle, horses will naturally graze on rotation, rarely staying in one place for long, which allows grasses to naturally replenish. They also will graze on the grass and brush under trees which normally are fuel for fires, serving as natural forest floor caretakers.

The argument that horses in the wild have no natural predators is often tossed about. Again, this is categorically untrue. Anyone who spends time with the horses has found remains, seen the wounds, noticed foals gone missing. Here, wild horses are a food source for predators such as mountain lions, bears, and wolves. This is true anywhere free-roaming horses exist, except where alpha predators have been run out of existence. They are as much a part of the cycle as any other animal living in the wilderness.

All of this is why I love my domestic scenes of horses. It is them in their most natural state, living as evolution designed them to; in communion with the land. Receiving and giving in ways we have forgotten. Their wild presence in our fields and forests should be a point of pride, one we hold up as a model for how to reclaim the ways human and horse can interact on a completely positive, mutually respectful level.

Stories

It is the stories that keep me coming back to these hills.

This small band, for instance, was the most memorable encounter. These two yearlings were just babies when my daughter and I met them last summer. On a warm July evening, we were gifted with several hours among a large herd of mares and youngsters; some of them also were foals I had met the previous spring. It is amazing to see them grow, not just in size and stature, but in the relationships they form with other horses.

So when we came across these two this spring, I was especially excited. They were not shy, however, and one came quite brazenly up to me, for several minutes nuzzling the end of my lens cover. I’ve had times where young ones in particular have come so close that it feels as though you might touch one another, but I’ve never experienced a wild horse initiate an interaction that deliberately. Normally, I would much rather watch from afar, and give them the ability to decide whether to allow our presence, so as not to disrupt them. I will admit that after some time it became too intense and I left the space, rather than encouraging behaviour that could potentially endanger a young horse in the future. Being overly enthusiastic to interact with humans does not always serve wild creatures well.

However, this was not even the most moving part of finding this small crew living together. The stallion these young ones were accompanied by was instantly recognizable. I gasped when I saw him, for it had been two years since I first sighted him, far higher on the mountain than they were now. I had written an essay after that solitary trip, titled, ‘The Stallion With No Ears.’

He and I had come across one another on trunk road during the peak of a hot summer day, the only two beings on that particular hillside. I would never forget how he constantly turned back to watch me, in my imagination inviting me to follow along, even though I was certain it seemed as though he was pinning his ears, so maintained a very respectful distance. It was only by accident that I had come close enough to realized it appeared both his ears were at least partially missing, either damaged in vicious battle or by a winter deep freeze.

I had not seen him since.

Seeing him here, with his own family band now, brought me more happiness that I could have imagined. He was shy, and wanted no part of the interaction with us. He remained an enigmatic figure.

This kind of story, of resilience, and common bond, is what makes these horses such a special part of our landscape. It is exactly the kind of story that keeps me coming back.

Wild horse country

It was a longtime dream of mine to see and photograph horses in the wild, and from my very first encounter I had a new and abiding passion. It didn’t matter that I often spent rough nights camping alone, or hours being bitten by mosquito swarms, I always came home feeling invigorated and in love with life all over again.

For a few years now I have been visiting and documenting the bands I manage to discover, collecting both images and words to try and convey their unique beauty, as well as their relationship with the landscape. Each time, I not only increase my skill at photography in the wild, but expand my knowledge of equine language. Family bands, lone stallions, foals grown into yearlings; all of them have their own unique personalities and lessons to share. Every moment holds its own magic, and it feels as though the photographs I receive are gifts being given. It instills a sense of deep gratitude.

Alberta is a place of contradictions. We are connected to the land, in both physical and intangible ways. The weather is simultaneously extreme and unpredictable, the geography dramatic and diverse. Our history encompasses both cowboys and social movements. These wild horses, all at once rugged and graceful, embody the province they live in. To me, they inspire, and this collection will continue to grow as I continue to return to be witness to their existence.